Life can be brutal sometimes. Within a very short period of time, I was betrayed by my significant other, several friends and I had to move out of my home. That significant other replaced me with a mutual friend almost immediately, showing who he and she truly were. I also needed to change course with my career. I was struggling from all of the sudden personal stress.
One day soon after my male boss came to my office, knowing I was struggling and told me to “compartmentalize” what had happened to me – if only it were that easy! My work was suffering because I was suffering.
Here’s the thing – I’m also incredibly resilient. My late mother was the strongest person I’ve ever met – tiny but mighty I would say. She taught me that I am stronger than I think and that I can dust myself off again and rebuild.
So I did.
People had been telling me for years to start my own consulting business, but I had been too scared and too comfortable to do it. I don’t leave situations that aren’t right for me until backed into a corner or forced to make that decision. I get in my own way when I fight listening to my intuition and my gut. I hate change, but I also realize how short life is and that it’s important to be happy and secure.
My mom always wanted to go to Italy and we had talked about plans to go on a girls’ trip but then her cancer came back. I keep thinking about that – how she longed to see her homeland and never had the opportunity. I compared it to how I stayed in a relationship that didn’t make me happy with a man who didn’t really get me because I was afraid of starting over again, and how I stayed in a job that was comfortable because of the same reasons.
Once I was out of both situations, I quickly saw how that job wasn’t right for me, and neither was that relationship. One of my biggest flaws is that I get very focused on a goal and put on blinders to red flags or I brush them under the rug.
My ex moved on with lightening speed – it was painful, but it confirmed to me several things – 1) if he was able to move on that quickly or at all, he was not right for me and 2) based on who he chose after me, the complete opposite and someone who I knew and didn’t like, coupled with my feelings of not being able to be myself when we were together and feeling misunderstood, that he was not right for me. Knowing this made it easier to recover.
The ending of that relationship led me on a path to find a more fulfilling, honest life. Remember we all deserve someone who chooses us every single day no matter what.
I met the person who I thought was the love of my life 12 years ago. It wasn’t this past ex. We dated for four years, but he was honest from day one that he didn’t think he was capable of marriage. I didn’t listen. He gave me the independence and ability to be myself, he was confident and the perfect balance to my outgoing personality. He just wasn’t capable of going further. Despite not working out, I’m thankful to have spent four years of my life with him.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that you can learn from every situation.
However, you can start to forgive yourself and learn to silence your inner critic, which feeds into your insecurities and only holds you back and hurts you. Your goal is to start feeling better and empower yourself.
You are the key to healing, not time. What will heal you is self-love, learning to let go and forgive yourself, self-awareness and building new habits. You can overcome hard times and use them to create a better life.
Fast forward to the present day, it was a lot of hard work to rebuild my life. I do believe that what is meant for you will find you and what is not will blow up to steer you on the right path.
No matter how bleak things seem, believe in yourself. Let your naysayers push you to create a better life for yourself. Adopt a positive mindset. Be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Never let someone reject you twice. Hold your head high after rejection. Stay the course. You will recover. I did. You are not defined by your mistakes or your failures. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. It’s okay to lose everything – because what is meant for you will find you and losing it won’t be an option.